You Always, ..... I Never

When Mike and I got married almost 17 years ago (wow that's a long time ago), the Minister delivered a message in the service talking about "if you find your self saying always and never in your marriage where does forgiveness fit in?" (he said in around about way). It's funny the things you remember. 

Have you ever had one of those moments in life when a light bulb goes on and you hear yourself say..... "Ahhaaa". I was reading in the Bible in John the other day (if you are not a Christian or believe in the Bible bare with me) about "Doubting" Thomas. When Jesus first appeared to them Thomas wasn't there. Thomas said to them I won't believe unless I see it for myself. The second time Jesus turns up and shows himself to his disciples and Thomas was there. This is where I had my "Ahhaa" moment. 

I'm not focusing on what Thomas did but on those (the disciples) around him. When you read it for yourself, they weren't trying to convince him of Jesus resurrection, they didn't go "see I told you so". They stood back and let Jesus come in and do the work. He was the only person who can change that persons belief or disbelief. 

Quite often in life we are the ones trying to change or convince everyone else around us (OR OUR SPOUSE) when it is not our job. One of the best things that I have learnt over the past few years is that you can't change those around you. You can give them your opinion or how it makes you feel but the only REAL change that can happen is when the change comes from within. They have to have their own "Ahhaa" moment. As a Christian I believe the best thing we can do is to pray for them. I know that can sound like a cop out but we can't change the internal. It is their choice to change.

I think that the Minister had it right. If we keep on saying "You always, ..... I never" did you really forgive (or is that give space for forgiveness to take place), can your relationship move on to be healed. I believe that a relationship is to serve one another not what I can get out of it, no matter what your partner views your relationship. It is amazing what happens in a relationship when you change your view of it, which will in turn change them or the way you view them. Just try it for a few weeks and please give me feed back on how it went for you. I know you will be amazed!!