What to expect, when you're expecting

I know when you saw this title you assumed that it would be a blog about births, babies etc..... That was your expectation. Expectations are a funny, and sometimes not such a funny thing. Quite often we associate expectations with people or things not being met. Being let down, disappointed, angry,....... and the list could go on and on with all the other emotions.

Sometimes we expect more than is reasonable, or they step up to the challenge.

Like our friends and family, we have such high expectations (most of the time unrealistic).

Or our children, we expect too little of or from them.

Sometime we are the ones that have high or heavy expectations on ourselves.

And sometimes we are expecting someone to do something that they haven't even been told to do?! I know, you think that is crazy but we all do it.

Other times we allow others expectations hold us back, or even worse hold us down, from what we are really meant to be doing.

Now comes REALITY, the let down. Let's live in reality.

Lastly,

it is time to change ourselves and what we EXPECT of others to do or to be done for us.

Expectations often lead to disappointment. Expectations are full of assumptions, and the only person they will make an ass of, is YOU! Let's keep it simple. Don't assume what hasn't been discussed. Only go on what you have been given. The only expectation you SHOULD have is, to expect the best from others and yourself. People in general are trying to their best in what life has thrown them. It is time for a change in what you expect...... I expect that this is a lesson that we will continue to learn. 

Blessed are the flexible for they shall not break..... and keep on willing to learn it!

There’s something between us

I’ve been reading this amazing book called “Winning with people” written by John C. Maxwell. This book is all about fostering and working on, and most of all valuing good relationships. It is what makes the world go round.

 The thing I like most of all about this book is a chapter called The Situational Principle. The key point I got out of this is that if you value your relationships, not to put the situation you are going through with this person (especially if it is wasn’t good and hurtful words were said) before your relationship/ friendship. Keeping a good relationship or friendship is hard work and quite often forgiveness (not forgetting) is required. One of the quotes in this book spoke to me loudly is "It is more rewarding to resolve a situation than to dissolve a relationship".

Good friendships are worth fighting for. That is why we are alive and come alive......................... for relationships!

My husband and I have run a number of Pre-Marriage and Marriage courses. In these courses they talk about putting this issue out in front of you. This means that this disagreement you are having, don't make it wedge between you and make that the issue. Start to come together and discuss how we together are going to find a solution to that problem. An old counselling term "the problem is the problem". Let's try and keep it that way. 

Now it is your turn. Here is my question to you that the writer of this book posed to us, "Do I sometimes put situations ahead of my relationships?"

I want to encourage you not to think only of all your adult friendships/ relationships but also those you have with your children (if you have any). 

Now you have that answer what are YOU going to do about it? It is my EVERY DAY decision to try and make sure that no situation, especially with family, means more to me than the relationship.

I know you can do this too!

Discipline is a funny word

When we think of the word discipline we conjurer up thoughts of being in trouble, of times at school looking at a wall or writing lines or even worse scab duty (picking up the rubbish around the school). What if I told you that I believe the word discipline is supposed to be a good word, there to help you and put you in a place to receive favour and blessings. I decided to look up the word to see what the dictionary came up with. So here it is...... Discipline (the first line of the meaning) is "Training expected to produce a specific character or pattern of behavior, especially training that produces moral or mental improvement." Sure you get the other meanings of correction etc. after that but I think this proves my point. I know that we have to "discipline our bodies when trying to get into shape which also includes "disciplining" ourselves to eat right. I could be even just seeing something you have started through to the end no matter how you feel about it or how happy you are with what you have done so far. It is seeing it through to the end. At the moment I'm learning a new facet of this word called Discipline.



Over a week ago I started decluttering our house. I wanted to do it all in 2 weeks during our school holidays. Looking at it now I think it was an unreasonable expectation but discipline is saying to me even though I haven't done most of it (but still alot, 3 bedrooms, a bathroom and the cupboard under the stairs) that I should continue to finish no matter how long it takes. As I do want to do a great job of it not "she'll be right" with what I have already done and just clean up the other rooms, which is very tempting to do!  I have also decided that this week it would be double batch week. With life going back to normal school term, I didn't want to pressure of the first week of back to school and trying to get home in time to feed the troops. So that means that this week I make double batches of everything (I mean everything) and then freeze the second batch for the next week........ NO COOKING FOR A WEEK (just reheating)!! Imagine the difference that it could make in your house hold for that week.

Well time to stop chatting and getting on with this decluttering, no matter how long it takes. Hope this inspires you to get disciplined in what ever is in front of you at this moment.

So who is going to join me for double batch week?
I would love to hear what you are getting disciplined in and how you are accomplishing this. 

Have a blessed and favored week as a result of you being DISCIPLINED!!

Do you ENDURE or ENJOY life?

We all know the famous saying "Life wasn't meant to be easy, but it was meant to be enjoyable". I have been having this battle with myself for, I must say, quiet a number of years concerning money. Do I spend, how much do I save, how much is too much? You know those questions we ask ourselves when we have more than ourselves to think about. They aren't stupid questions, they are just questions that come up when dealing with day to day life of a family. Money can play such a controlling role in our lives.

As I was sitting on my exercise bike this morning in our hotel gym listening to the bible being read to me via my phone (I am loving this new way of doing exercise and not get distracted by the kids or turning on the tv............ which will then turn encourage my children to sitting around me while I am doing my exercises), I was lead to think about the phase from Ecclesiastes (as what was read to me was Ecc 1-7) "Everything is meaningless", which to tell you the truth is quite depressing!! But reading it in context with all that the writer is trying to say, is that whether you have a little or you have a lot of money (that is the part that is meaningless) you should enjoy life and be happy with every stage you are at.

 At the moment our family is in the middle of saving mode. We are saving for a family overseas holiday. We have the destination picked, we know how much we have to save and we are all ready to enjoy to fruits of our hard work and sacrifice. We are all going to have times of lean and time of plenty in our finances. Your plenty at times are not always going to look the way you wanted, e.g. not having a few hundred or thousand dollars to throw around, but you will have times when you have an extra ten, fifty or even one hundred dollars to enjoy. So ENJOY IT!! In the middle of all this 'meaningless' was a quote from Ecc 3:13 which says "...people should eat and drink and enjoy the fruits of their labor, for these ARE (my highlighting) gifts from God."  We can't take our money with us when we die. So why not enjoy ALL that has been given to you for your hard work and start investing and creating memories with it. Don't let money be the reason why you don't do things as a family. Be wise with what you've got but enjoy the ride. Be generous with what you have, this includes time, resources and money. Invest in your chosen relationships, know your seasons and enjoy YOUR journey!

"Life wasn't meant to be easy, but it was meant to be enjoyable"

The List.

All of us have some sort of lists that we make for ourselves each day. They can be verbal lists, physical lists (either written or typed into a computer/phone) or the memory list ,which we all know we have heaps of them but I don't know if I could trust my lists from memory. These lists can be quite overwhelming when we take time to think of all the things we THINK we need to do for that day. These lists can also be condemning when we put our worth or value on how good we are by how much we get done in a day. Of course we never let ourselves off the hook when external circumstances come into play, NO we don't.

I know I'm not an unreal house keeper all the time. I quite often have 3, no 4, interruptions at least a couple times a day. "Mum, I don't know how to do this question", "Mum, I hungry", "Honey, I think it's time for a morning tea coffee". Does this sound somewhat familiar? Plus making the house function with meals, washing, cleaning, taking the kids to school/ preschool and the list goes on just to make get through the basics of this day. I'm exhausted just writing all this down!! And that is only just the physical strains of the day let alone all the emotional ones that can creep into your day.

For a while I was getting overwhelmed with all my "things to do" then I had to stop and reassess on what was important for me and my family to function. Again, what was important to ME and MY FAMILY. We live in a very intense and pressured life these days. I think we all take on more pressure than what is necessary. I must say I do like lists but when lists get in the way of what is important (not urgent) I believe that is where most of us go wrong. When vacuuming gets priority before you child who is needing a hug. When a tidying up the lounge is before enjoying the company you have invited over. When dying your hair comes before going on a family outing. I'm sure you could list your own reasons (excuses). Lately I've been reading a book called 'Winning with People' by John Maxwell. This book has made me look at what is important in life like relationships over whose right. Life is about others. So, I think that my lists should be a combination of what I need to get done, what I'd like to get done and what time I make to spend with those around me for that day. Our lives are so ridged that we can't fit in those things that we really do need to do like kiss your children, have a coffee with a friend, lay on the driveway and look at the stars with your hubby. Life is to short to look at lists all day long and the people that love you looking on with 'I wish you would................................' eyes.

Have lists but also have a life that you enjoy with the people you enjoy in it!

Who says "The Jones'" have it all??

We all know the saying "keeping up with the Jones'" or "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence".............I'm sure you could add a few more...........
My question to you is "Who says 'the Jones' have it all anyway"? This is a perception. An uninformed perception. It is a common occurrence for us all to look at what we don't have. We look at each others to compare stylish clothing, the new car, the latest gadget out, my list could go on and on. We all consciously  or unconsciously make those judgments or wishes. Is that grass REALLY greener over there? We don't know what is done behind closed doors. Or how they treat each other. Or those family quality time sacrifices that they have made to keep up with their 'Jones'' to earn those extra bucks.

Lately I have been thinking on instead of we don't have, being grateful for what we DO have. Maybe we don't eat out at restaurants all the time, we don't have the brand new car or the latest fashion but you know what..... I just glad that we have all the clothes we need, enough food to feed my family and friends, a car (which makes us in the top 5% of the world), we have a roof over a head.We also are a family together, loving each other.Our house is a place of safety, encouragement, a place of freedom to be yourself, to be child-like and have fun, acceptance, where you can explore the worlds questions without judgement, for our children and friends ............WE ARE BLESSED!
Quite often our perception of how we see the world is put a skew by how we see ourselves. This change can not come from your outward circumstances but how you change those voices in our heads. At the moment I am reading the book "Winning with people" by John Maxwell and it has a quote in it which I would like to share with you all as it sums it up nicely. "When I was young and free my imagination had no limits, I dreamed of changing the world. As I grew older and wiser, I discovered the world would not change, so I shortened my sights somewhat and decided to change only my country. But it, too, seemed immovable. As I grew in my twilight years, in one last desperate attempt, I settled for changing only my family, those close to me, but alas, they would have none of it. And now I lie on my deathbed, I suddenly realised: if I only had changed myself first, then by example I would have changed my family. From their inspiration and encouragement, I would have been able to better my country and, who knows, I may have even changed my world."
So, are you ready to be happy again...... not by changing your exterior but renovating the interior?
Let's start by being happy for what you have and looking after what you have been given. Being generous with what you have in your hand. It doesn't have to be much but start with what you have. I believe that when you start with changing just those two little things you will see success and joy follow you. It can't hurt to give it ago.

You Always, ..... I Never

When Mike and I got married almost 17 years ago (wow that's a long time ago), the Minister delivered a message in the service talking about "if you find your self saying always and never in your marriage where does forgiveness fit in?" (he said in around about way). It's funny the things you remember. 

Have you ever had one of those moments in life when a light bulb goes on and you hear yourself say..... "Ahhaaa". I was reading in the Bible in John the other day (if you are not a Christian or believe in the Bible bare with me) about "Doubting" Thomas. When Jesus first appeared to them Thomas wasn't there. Thomas said to them I won't believe unless I see it for myself. The second time Jesus turns up and shows himself to his disciples and Thomas was there. This is where I had my "Ahhaa" moment. 

I'm not focusing on what Thomas did but on those (the disciples) around him. When you read it for yourself, they weren't trying to convince him of Jesus resurrection, they didn't go "see I told you so". They stood back and let Jesus come in and do the work. He was the only person who can change that persons belief or disbelief. 

Quite often in life we are the ones trying to change or convince everyone else around us (OR OUR SPOUSE) when it is not our job. One of the best things that I have learnt over the past few years is that you can't change those around you. You can give them your opinion or how it makes you feel but the only REAL change that can happen is when the change comes from within. They have to have their own "Ahhaa" moment. As a Christian I believe the best thing we can do is to pray for them. I know that can sound like a cop out but we can't change the internal. It is their choice to change.

I think that the Minister had it right. If we keep on saying "You always, ..... I never" did you really forgive (or is that give space for forgiveness to take place), can your relationship move on to be healed. I believe that a relationship is to serve one another not what I can get out of it, no matter what your partner views your relationship. It is amazing what happens in a relationship when you change your view of it, which will in turn change them or the way you view them. Just try it for a few weeks and please give me feed back on how it went for you. I know you will be amazed!!

Smelling like roses when manure is around your feet

I love this quote "Life wasn't meant to be easy BUT it was meant to be enjoyable". I know it sounds like a contradictory of terms BUT it is all about how you view life and what it means to you.  Life IS hard, some times more than others, but what are you going to focus on?? 

I always say to my kids when they are trying to blame someone or something else that when you are pointing that finger how many are pointing back at you? And the answer of course is 3. Try it and have a look yourself. So the way I look at it is that you are 3 times more responsible for that undesirable outcome. We all try and make excuses. So first of all STOP making excuses and come up with solutions. 

Secondly, (and this is a biggy) forgive.

I can hear you all say HOW???? Well the short truth of the matter is that it is your choice to forgive. It doesn't mean forget or that there are no consequences. What you have done is released yourself from the weight of trying to get revenge or justification and right a wrong. This is liberating!!!!

(after forgiveness you feel exposed, unlovable and you have your guard up like those thorns)

Thirdly, look after yourself. This doesn't mean go on extravagant holiday or on a wild spending spree. This means put yourself around people who build you up, who you can confide in. This also means, that if  you have been under a great deal of stress go and do something you love like read a book for a few hours or go for a walk. I know for myself it's having some alone time and watch a couple of DVDs while laying on my bed  or having a shower with no one else in the house and enjoy not being interrupted and the quiet. Or it could be as simple as going to bed early.

(a little TLC)

Fourthly, GET BACK ON THAT HORSE AGAIN!!!! After you have done all of the above don't keep yourself away from life as there is so many things that will bring you joy. Even if it has been past hurts with relationship, the joy is when you either reconcile or find a new friend who brings great fun, love and encouragement to your life. There is always tomorrow, a new day, a fresh start. 

(now you can be whatever colour you want)

Live outside the box. Life wasn't meant to be easy BUT it was meant to be enjoyable!!

From My heart to yours, 

Peta