Threats, bribes, 'rewards', shouting, nagging, counting (either to 5 or 10 or sometimes both) anything to get your kids to do what they are told when they are told to do it..... right now!! All of these things may accomplish the task at the expense of a parent who is exhausted and tired of repeatedly telling them to do something which may end up in tears, and not only from the child. I know some times we just want them to do action, but my question to you is, what is more important the out ward appearance or the heart? Have they not already said 'no' in their hearts if you have to get to '5' or '10' or threaten them with something you may not even have the intention to follow through in? It is easier to change an action than it is to change a heart. For me, it is my primary objective to train the heart. This is where first time obedience come in.
Do you expect that when you ask your child is told to do something that they will do it first time? Maybe that is part of the issue that you are struggling with? A child WILL live up to your expectations if you give them the opportunity to and you believe that they will.
As mentioned in my previous article, in parenting we like to proactive. One of the many ways we have tried to help our kids to obey first time started when they were young (crawling and toddler phase). My hubby used to play this game with them and he would call it a game of 'who can come to me first'. What he would do is in an excited voice he would get the kids to pretend they were playing in their rooms and then when he called them by name then they would have to say "Yes Dad" ( to acknowledge that they heard him), then they would say "I'm coming" (to say the action they were intending on doing) then they would run out of their rooms and give him a big rumble hug for being obedient. We would do this a few times to reinforce the desired response. At this point they were not allowed to say 'hang on' or 'wait a minute' as we were working on first time obedience. I'll discuss how we handled these 'hang on' comments in another article to come. If we ever have times when they are struggling with their first time obedient responses we would look at their abilities to make decisions and see if these were age appropriate and whether it was giving them to much freedom. We must remember that we as parents know best and we have the ability to judge and assess what our kids can and can't handle, not them. The ability to choose the clothes they want to wear and the type of foods they want to eat is not a right it is a privilege. Our children do not know the difference...... so pick you privileges and battles wisely.
It is not to late to get first time obedience and to train the heart. It may just might take a little more strength and a little more creativity on your part. You may have to re look at all the privileges that your child(ren) have and see if any are causing a stumbling block for them that stop them from being able to obey first time. I must say that even though my children are far from perfect they (and we as parents) get complements often on how well behaved they are and it brings great joy to my heart to know all that hard work is paying off. This to can be said about your children too.
I know for some of you this may be a radical or even a scary thought ....... Can I really get first time obedience from my child? My answer to you is YES!! At the end of this you will have a more content and happy child which will bring forth a content ad happy family. Isn't that we all want??
Please feel free to post or contact me on how you have been going with this thought. I would love to hear how you have either found a creative way to see first time obedience in your child(ren) or any struggles that you're dealing with.... maybe some out their will have a solution for you!
from my heart to yours,
Peta .
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