What's your reason for this season?

We can all get a little carried away with the Festive Season of Christmas. Most of us love this time of year. Time to get together with our loved ones. To party. To eat. To have some time off work. But then comes the thought of presents....... kids love them...... but the thought of braving the shops during this time of year is just doing your head in!!

Like the picture about, I believe it was suppose to be simple!

Friends and family gathering together to share a meal and remember what the true 'reason for the season'...... to be THANKFUL. Thankful  for friends. Thankful for family. Thankful for your health. Thankful those blessings that were sent your way during the past year. And for our family, we are most of all thankful for Jesus. For being our strength when we had none. For being that still small voice that encouraged and lead us this year. For being that unconditional friend. For not judging when we knew when we were wrong and being a gentleman, waiting for us to own up and say sorry. For giving us favor far beyond whatever we could hope or dream this year as we put Him first.  For give us all of yourself even though we don't. THANK YOU JESUS!!

During this time of Christmas what are you going to choose to remember? Enjoy this season and be thankful and you will notice the difference it can have in your Christmas holidays this year. 

Merry Christmas to you all. Look for the good in everyone. Enjoy each moment with family and friends.

BE BLESSED!!

The family I want

Having a family you say is easy. And I'd say back to you "Yes it is but,....".Now I pose to you a question which I believe that most of you have never really thought about, 'Is this the family I want?'. Most people would say 'Do I have a say in what my family looks like?' and to that I would say a BIG "YES!!!!!".

 If you have a chance take a piece of paper and write down things you like about your family, then on the other side of the paper write the things that you don't like. Does the list of 'good' out way the 'bad'? If not, you are not alone. Most people would say that the 'bad' dominates the 'good' and the light is getting dimmer as they get older. BUT, I said it is getting dimmer not out. You still have a HUGE say on what your family looks like and to make changes for the better not only for yourself and the children but for the bigger picture of society and how they are going to cope in it. Are they just going to survive it or be the leader and excel and love their lives. 


George Bernard Shaw "Life wasn't meant to be easy, my child, but take courage: it can be delightful!"

This is what we should be showing our children. There are seasons of ups and downs and sometimes more downs than ups but as I said they are just seasons. We can choose to live there or show our children that circumstances don't tell us how we feel or act.


I'm not going to say that this is going to be easy but is taking an active role in making it happen for your family. First and for mostly you and your partner need to be on the same page and each others champion. You are going to choose to demand respect (as you give them and your partner respect), have a good bed time (as you do for yourself), help them see that they are apart of a team and them chores to help the team (as you are to your partner), have fun (as you do for yourself and with your partner)...... are you seeing a little pattern here??


We need to model it! 


Start little. Choose one thing. You can't change your family over night but you can a little at a time.


As we head to the end of the year and into the new year what are you going to change about your family life? It doesn't have to be perfect but it does have to reflect what you want for your family. Be proactive, be encouraging and have fun as a family. 


Life was meant to be enjoyable!!

NO! = Maybe = Yes

When did it happened? When did that determined "NO!" become "Maybe" to then a reluctant "Yes"?

When they were little it was absolutely "NO!" and nothing would deter you from that "NO!" Then the next little darling came along..... hence the permanent jet lag....... then came the "Maybe". And lastly that precious last cherub(s)...... now your in zombie mode...... now it's "Yes" (do it quickly, quietly and don't bug me again about it so I can sleep some more).

We have all done it. We have all regretted it. We all have just said to ourselves "What have I done.... I'm creating a monster". And the truth is YES we are...... but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. One day in the not to distant future you will sleep through the night again (I know you don't believe me but it will happen). One day you will have more than "No ....." in your vocabulary, even if it is that you have to force yourself to find something you can say Yes to (YES you can have a drink of water....).
So why wait till your gorgeous tribe don't look so gorgeous to you or those they come in contact with. Start with today and start small!


1. Pick your battles wisely. In and out of the public eye. Ask yourself these 2 questions, "Is this something that can be handled better at home?" and "Really in the big picture, at this moment, does it really matter?"
2. Pick 1 thing that you are going to concentrate on for that next week or so till you get obedience in that area.
3. Make sure you reward (not bribe) the child and yourself for sticking at it!


I know that I couldn't of done it with out my hubby beside me encouraging me, playing tag team and giving me much needed time out when needed (sometimes a few times a week). If you don't have any support..... go and get it! You can't do this alone, especially if you are starting this when your children are older and have formed long lasting habits. It is not impossible, just need to be even more certain on what you say Yes and No too.
Now it is up to you. Get support. Pick a time to start. Pick only 1 thing to work on.
Oh yeah, and look after yourself! You need to be the best you can be to be the best for your family! Go for regular walks, eat well, sleep well and remember to laugh!


So tell me, what is your families biggest issue at the moment?

It's time to Celebrate!

This Christmas are you wanting it to look like this?

.....were all getting along like one big happy family??

In reality this doesn't often happen!

So what are you going to do about it? Did you know that we all play out our part in the family either consciously or unconsciously? That's right I said we play a part.... you play a role. Look around and watch those who your hanging out with, they to are playing a role in the group you are in now. One might be the whiner, one the 'life of the party', one the sulker, the one that is just rude, the know it all..... etc.

You can play the role you normally play or you can chose to not play that role at all and watch as it changes the whole dynamics of the group. Yes, you can change what Christmas this year looks like for you! What a liberating thought!

Now play the role of how you want to see your Christmas be this year and watch it happen!! I'm not saying that others may still play their roles and try to pull you back down but you don't have to join them. They are not going to influence the type of Christmas celebrations that you are going to choose to have.

This is a choice. What do you choose this Christmas?

I choose this year no matter what happens around me to enjoy every minute with my family and friends however THEY come (not me)! I choose to only engage in uplifting conversation! I choose to not worry about what could of, should of or would of but what is right now!

I know that you WILL all have the best Christmas time together this year because you have already predetermined what it is going to look, feel and sound like to you this year!

Enjoy your lead up to this beautiful and joyous time of year!

What you are you going to change to make this your best Christmas ever?

Fear-free children

Do you have children who are afraid of the dark? Or their bed? Or a dog? As you know the list can go on.
I have come across a great book called FEAR-free children by Dr Janet Hall. I actually found it in the library! I liked it so much that on the day before it was due back I went on-line and found it on eBay, bought it and received it the day after I took it back to the library. This is a very practical book (which I love) with lots of "how to" ideas on how to recognise, address and overcome those very real fears of our children.

Here is just a few pointers that the book covers for parents:
-how to set realistic expectations of anxiety and confidence levels for both children and parents;
-to understand how fears are categorised and developed and when they are a concern;
-how things can go wrong and what to avoid doing;
-strategies for helping children with anxiety and fears; and
-how professional coaching can help.
They also have real stories and a children's section that encourages the child to design his own 'plan to be fear-proof'.

It is a really easy read with real things you can try with your child(ren).
A HIGHLY RECOMMENDED READ!!

from my heart to yours,

Peta

Are you speaking their language?

To my followers, I'm sorry it has been such a while since I have written. I have had this message on my heart for a little while now and have now the time to write what I feel is an important skill in every family life. My question to you is, how do you know that you are loved and appreciated in your family? For me it is when my husband organizes some special time together, like a date night/ weekend, or my kids go and do things for me without being asked (and yes, they do do it). My next question is, how do you show love? Quite often we show love in the way like to be shown love. This can get tricky when you're showing love to a particular family member and you're not getting the response you thought they would show. Maybe, just maybe they don't hear the words 'I love you' because the action you are using isn't how they feel loved or hear love.

One of the best things we started early in our marriage was to actually ask each other is what makes you feel loved and affirmed (for men)/ appreciated (for women)?  We didn't just want to guess as we really didn't know exactly what it is was that makes each of us tick and because we loved each other we want to get it right not just assume!


When our kids reached a certain age we were also able to "read" them on what makes them feel loved in the family (plus the with the help from the 5 love languages for kids book). As you have found with your family, each one is so very different. Isaiah (our son who is 11) we were able to see that whenever we spoke harshly to him he would take it very personally and on the positive he loves it when we use words to encourage him. His second way he feels love is spending quality time with either Michael or myself on date nights. They have become a great way to get just a couple of hours one-on-one to see how they each are going and to speak anything particular into their life. Hannah-Rae (our daughter who is 9) is a girl who doesn't care what we are doing as long as it is together. She loved just spending quality time with either one of us. My last date night with her was that we drove down to Davistown Park with an ice cream of her choice in hand and walking up and down by the water. She came back saying that that was the best date ever!! Scored!!! Leah (our other daughter who is 7 going on 16) just loves hugs, hugs, hugs, climbing all over us, sitting on our laps, kisses and last but not least, more hugs.


Now you couldn't of asked for more differences to be in one family! The challenge is for us to every day/ week/ month/ year to keep speaking THEIR language. In the book, The 5 love languages by Gary Chapman, he breaks them down into 5 groups. They are Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Gifts and Acts of Service. In his books he talks about primary and secondary love languages. (I have the links to this book on the links on the side of my blog under the heading "Things I like to read".) As life changes so can your love languages. I know that when my kids were little my primary love language was Acts of Services..... and all you mums with little ones say AMEN!! Now they are growing up and I don't need as much help to keep on top of things it changed to Quality Time, and I'm sure that it hasn't finished changing. So this is a subject that must be revisited periodically to make sure we are all feeling loved and accepted.


Have a think now on what your love language is, how do you know that you are loved? Now think about the rest of your family. Now book in a time to discuss it with you family, even and open forum ( if your children are old enough) so they can be apart of helping each member feel loved and a valued part of the family. I know this has help me connect with my children on times when all I was saying to them was NO all day long or a personality clash. It has brought our family closer and now I find my girls using words to encourage Isaiah and hugs to Leah and play with time for Hannah-Rae. It really does work, not only for your immediate family but also extending it to your friends to make them feel loved. They are going to feel so special!!!


We all given different gifts and different ways we hear, feel and express love. That is what makes every person and family so special. We become whole when we each find our acceptance and love in our families so we can go into the world with the knowledge that there is a family there behind us a hundred percent no matter what and we can feel, hear and see it for ourselves.


It is such an honor to share with you all and I hope that you will find this as helpful as we have that has helped us to create a loving whole family to be a light and a inspiration to those around us. In 2 Timothy 1:7 "For God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power , love and a sound mind." In God we can help recreate that "power, love and sound mind (peaceful mind)" by speaking their language of love to let them know how special they are to God and us. I would love to hear your thoughts on this and any other advice that you may of found that works for you and your family.


from my heart to yours,


Peta

Keep on learning- Be Inspired

There are quotes going around that "Leaders are Learners" and "Leaders are Readers". I would have to agree with both of them. As a mum some times it is hard to think of yourself a leader. Well have a look behind you...... do you have someone following you?....... well I guess that would define you as a leader. Surprise!!!


There are two different types of books I read, one is for pleasure and the other is to grow me. In some seasons I am spending more time on growing me than on pleasure and visa-versa. What season are you in right now? I have just come through the past 2 years of growing me as I have just completed my Advance Diploma of Christian Counseling. By the end I must say that I had enough of intentionally GROWING!! So in saying that you can now tell in what season I'm in at the moment..... PLEASURE......mmmmm I like the sound of that, let me say it again......PLEASURE. This definitely doesn't mean that I stop learning through the books I have chosen to read in this season of pleasure. At the moment I'm interested in Biographies. I've just finished a book on Smith Wigglesworth "The secret of his power". It is a short book, written by Albert Hibbert. I can say that is was the best book I've read or even that great. But it was INSPIRING!!


My family and I went to a friends house for dinner and as conversation progressed and the food was being served she brings out the most amazing but unusual salad, a Watermelon Summer Salad which has watermelon (obviously) with red onion, feta cheese, olives and mint.......it was really refreshing. Which then lead to the discussion about the book it came from. I have spent most of this morning reading it. It is what I would call a biography about her journey of she became the hostess that she needed to become to the Glory of God.  It is called "The Reluctant Entertainer" by Sandy Coughlin. And I must say I am INSPIRED!!


So what has INSPIRED you of late or do you need some INSPIRING? I hope I have done this by opening up your eyes to who we are (leaders) and that you can become a better you by observing, reading and expanding your knowledge of what ever interests you. Open your doors, open your windows to new adventures that are waiting for you and your family right outside your door or your next book.


I know especially when my kids were little I found it challenging to make time for reading of any sort but I know that we all can make time for those things that we call important. I am a big believer that reading different types of books is important, if anything, to make space for "me" time.


If you're interested in the book I've mentioned, please check out the link and her blog in which you can find her receipe book in there.
If you have a biography that you have read that you might think I would be interested in please tell me about it!


From my heart to yours,


Peta

Let's start the year off right!

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and Salutations!!

I know that a lot of you have started or have written a 'new years resolution' or goals for the coming year. They may look like, to lose some weight, to get healthy, to go on an overseas holiday or just to even take a holiday, to spend more time with the family, to buy a home, to earn a certain amount of money. These are all great goals. The only question I have is ..... Who is going to look after you? I believe to be the best you can be we have to be a bit selfish. To us mum's this sounds like a 'sin'. On the contrary it is the opposite. To do the best you can be this year you need to take time out of 'doing' for everyone else and start 'being' for yourself. This will look different for everyone.


When was the last time you did something for yourself? It doesn't have to be expensive or take a lot of time. Just time on you. I believe the way to having a healthy home is to have a mum/ dad released not to feel guilty on spending some weekly time on themselves. To find their own unique way of revitalizing and refreshing themselves with what they like to do.


When the kids were little and a hubby away from the house at least 12 hours a day I had to find ways of looking after myself to get 'me time'. One thing I used to do was to make every Friday night was a night of pampering. The kids would be put to bed a little earlier than usual so I could paint my nails, have a foot spa and watch a favorite movie and still be able to get to be at a good time so I would be functioning for the next day. As a couple we would also do date nights. These would be done 'in house' to save money on baby sitters (not every time). I would cook a favorite meal, have candles on the table, and yummy dessert then we might give each other a back massage. This is great for two reasons, 1 to create stability in the children to show that Dad and Mum love each other (and to spend some quality time together not talking about the children), and 2 it builds on expectation and creativity when it is your partners turn. Be creative but don't turn it into a chance to out do each other...... think of how you can spoil each other.


I know that when I have had "me time" I can then handle coming back to reality and feeling like I have had a break of being mum for a couple of hours and just being me!


When was the last time you took time out for you? Maybe you need to start booking in "me time" and "date nights"?


I know I'm always trying to think of innovative ways to have "me time" and "date nights in", I would love to hear what your "me time" and "date nights in" look like so I and others can benifit from your creative ways to look after yourself.


I know my goal this year to look after me more so I can be the best woman, wife, mum and friend that I can be this year. Hopefully it will become of yours a well, because I want you to be the best YOU you can be!!


From my heart to yours,


Peta