Do you have children who are afraid of the dark? Or their bed? Or a dog? As you know the list can go on.
I have come across a great book called FEAR-free children by Dr Janet Hall. I actually found it in the library! I liked it so much that on the day before it was due back I went on-line and found it on eBay, bought it and received it the day after I took it back to the library. This is a very practical book (which I love) with lots of "how to" ideas on how to recognise, address and overcome those very real fears of our children.
Here is just a few pointers that the book covers for parents:
-how to set realistic expectations of anxiety and confidence levels for both children and parents;
-to understand how fears are categorised and developed and when they are a concern;
-how things can go wrong and what to avoid doing;
-strategies for helping children with anxiety and fears; and
-how professional coaching can help.
They also have real stories and a children's section that encourages the child to design his own 'plan to be fear-proof'.
It is a really easy read with real things you can try with your child(ren).
A HIGHLY RECOMMENDED READ!!
from my heart to yours,
Peta
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Friday, February 18, 2011
Are you speaking their language?
To my followers, I'm sorry it has been such a while since I have written. I have had this message on my heart for a little while now and have now the time to write what I feel is an important skill in every family life. My question to you is, how do you know that you are loved and appreciated in your family? For me it is when my husband organizes some special time together, like a date night/ weekend, or my kids go and do things for me without being asked (and yes, they do do it). My next question is, how do you show love? Quite often we show love in the way like to be shown love. This can get tricky when you're showing love to a particular family member and you're not getting the response you thought they would show. Maybe, just maybe they don't hear the words 'I love you' because the action you are using isn't how they feel loved or hear love.
One of the best things we started early in our marriage was to actually ask each other is what makes you feel loved and affirmed (for men)/ appreciated (for women)? We didn't just want to guess as we really didn't know exactly what it is was that makes each of us tick and because we loved each other we want to get it right not just assume!
When our kids reached a certain age we were also able to "read" them on what makes them feel loved in the family (plus the with the help from the 5 love languages for kids book). As you have found with your family, each one is so very different. Isaiah (our son who is 11) we were able to see that whenever we spoke harshly to him he would take it very personally and on the positive he loves it when we use words to encourage him. His second way he feels love is spending quality time with either Michael or myself on date nights. They have become a great way to get just a couple of hours one-on-one to see how they each are going and to speak anything particular into their life. Hannah-Rae (our daughter who is 9) is a girl who doesn't care what we are doing as long as it is together. She loved just spending quality time with either one of us. My last date night with her was that we drove down to Davistown Park with an ice cream of her choice in hand and walking up and down by the water. She came back saying that that was the best date ever!! Scored!!! Leah (our other daughter who is 7 going on 16) just loves hugs, hugs, hugs, climbing all over us, sitting on our laps, kisses and last but not least, more hugs.
Now you couldn't of asked for more differences to be in one family! The challenge is for us to every day/ week/ month/ year to keep speaking THEIR language. In the book, The 5 love languages by Gary Chapman, he breaks them down into 5 groups. They are Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Gifts and Acts of Service. In his books he talks about primary and secondary love languages. (I have the links to this book on the links on the side of my blog under the heading "Things I like to read".) As life changes so can your love languages. I know that when my kids were little my primary love language was Acts of Services..... and all you mums with little ones say AMEN!! Now they are growing up and I don't need as much help to keep on top of things it changed to Quality Time, and I'm sure that it hasn't finished changing. So this is a subject that must be revisited periodically to make sure we are all feeling loved and accepted.
Have a think now on what your love language is, how do you know that you are loved? Now think about the rest of your family. Now book in a time to discuss it with you family, even and open forum ( if your children are old enough) so they can be apart of helping each member feel loved and a valued part of the family. I know this has help me connect with my children on times when all I was saying to them was NO all day long or a personality clash. It has brought our family closer and now I find my girls using words to encourage Isaiah and hugs to Leah and play with time for Hannah-Rae. It really does work, not only for your immediate family but also extending it to your friends to make them feel loved. They are going to feel so special!!!
We all given different gifts and different ways we hear, feel and express love. That is what makes every person and family so special. We become whole when we each find our acceptance and love in our families so we can go into the world with the knowledge that there is a family there behind us a hundred percent no matter what and we can feel, hear and see it for ourselves.
It is such an honor to share with you all and I hope that you will find this as helpful as we have that has helped us to create a loving whole family to be a light and a inspiration to those around us. In 2 Timothy 1:7 "For God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power , love and a sound mind." In God we can help recreate that "power, love and sound mind (peaceful mind)" by speaking their language of love to let them know how special they are to God and us. I would love to hear your thoughts on this and any other advice that you may of found that works for you and your family.
from my heart to yours,
Peta
Friday, January 21, 2011
Keep on learning- Be Inspired
There are two different types of books I read, one is for pleasure and the other is to grow me. In some seasons I am spending more time on growing me than on pleasure and visa-versa. What season are you in right now? I have just come through the past 2 years of growing me as I have just completed my Advance Diploma of Christian Counseling. By the end I must say that I had enough of intentionally GROWING!! So in saying that you can now tell in what season I'm in at the moment..... PLEASURE......mmmmm I like the sound of that, let me say it again......PLEASURE. This definitely doesn't mean that I stop learning through the books I have chosen to read in this season of pleasure. At the moment I'm interested in Biographies. I've just finished a book on Smith Wigglesworth "The secret of his power". It is a short book, written by Albert Hibbert. I can say that is was the best book I've read or even that great. But it was INSPIRING!!
My family and I went to a friends house for dinner and as conversation progressed and the food was being served she brings out the most amazing but unusual salad, a Watermelon Summer Salad which has watermelon (obviously) with red onion, feta cheese, olives and mint.......it was really refreshing. Which then lead to the discussion about the book it came from. I have spent most of this morning reading it. It is what I would call a biography about her journey of she became the hostess that she needed to become to the Glory of God. It is called "The Reluctant Entertainer" by Sandy Coughlin. And I must say I am INSPIRED!!
So what has INSPIRED you of late or do you need some INSPIRING? I hope I have done this by opening up your eyes to who we are (leaders) and that you can become a better you by observing, reading and expanding your knowledge of what ever interests you. Open your doors, open your windows to new adventures that are waiting for you and your family right outside your door or your next book.
I know especially when my kids were little I found it challenging to make time for reading of any sort but I know that we all can make time for those things that we call important. I am a big believer that reading different types of books is important, if anything, to make space for "me" time.
If you're interested in the book I've mentioned, please check out the link and her blog in which you can find her receipe book in there.
If you have a biography that you have read that you might think I would be interested in please tell me about it!
From my heart to yours,
Peta
Friday, January 7, 2011
Let's start the year off right!
Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and Salutations!!
I know that a lot of you have started or have written a 'new years resolution' or goals for the coming year. They may look like, to lose some weight, to get healthy, to go on an overseas holiday or just to even take a holiday, to spend more time with the family, to buy a home, to earn a certain amount of money. These are all great goals. The only question I have is ..... Who is going to look after you? I believe to be the best you can be we have to be a bit selfish. To us mum's this sounds like a 'sin'. On the contrary it is the opposite. To do the best you can be this year you need to take time out of 'doing' for everyone else and start 'being' for yourself. This will look different for everyone.When was the last time you did something for yourself? It doesn't have to be expensive or take a lot of time. Just time on you. I believe the way to having a healthy home is to have a mum/ dad released not to feel guilty on spending some weekly time on themselves. To find their own unique way of revitalizing and refreshing themselves with what they like to do.
When the kids were little and a hubby away from the house at least 12 hours a day I had to find ways of looking after myself to get 'me time'. One thing I used to do was to make every Friday night was a night of pampering. The kids would be put to bed a little earlier than usual so I could paint my nails, have a foot spa and watch a favorite movie and still be able to get to be at a good time so I would be functioning for the next day. As a couple we would also do date nights. These would be done 'in house' to save money on baby sitters (not every time). I would cook a favorite meal, have candles on the table, and yummy dessert then we might give each other a back massage. This is great for two reasons, 1 to create stability in the children to show that Dad and Mum love each other (and to spend some quality time together not talking about the children), and 2 it builds on expectation and creativity when it is your partners turn. Be creative but don't turn it into a chance to out do each other...... think of how you can spoil each other.
I know that when I have had "me time" I can then handle coming back to reality and feeling like I have had a break of being mum for a couple of hours and just being me!
When was the last time you took time out for you? Maybe you need to start booking in "me time" and "date nights"?
I know I'm always trying to think of innovative ways to have "me time" and "date nights in", I would love to hear what your "me time" and "date nights in" look like so I and others can benifit from your creative ways to look after yourself.
I know my goal this year to look after me more so I can be the best woman, wife, mum and friend that I can be this year. Hopefully it will become of yours a well, because I want you to be the best YOU you can be!!
From my heart to yours,
Peta
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Attitude of Gratitude
As a parent we are constantly reminding our kids to say 'please' and 'thank you'. We start this from when they are really young by saying it for them, then helping them to say it for themselves (say 'Taaaaa'). I must say, unfortunately, I'm still reminding them!
As we enter into the an joyful season of Christmas I'm reminded of what my life should be an example of, an attitude of gratitude. As I go about my mundane duties of cleaning, washing, cooking..... and the list goes on..... I can get bogged down with the thoughts of how much work needs to be done to make the house just look presentable. A few years ago I was challenged in my thoughts towards my home keeping with the thought that first of all that this is a privileged job, yes job, that I have been given to care for my family as the primary care giver and home maker. As my husband goes to work each day and works hard all day to 'bring home the bacon' so should I 'work' as hard to give him the bacon and all the trimmings.
The second thought I had one day while I was grumbling to myself about how much washing up I had to do when so tired from looking after 2 toddlers and a bub, I had a voice come into my head saying "at least you have this amount to wash up". Then later on that day looking around the house the voice continued "at least you have more than one room in your house, at least you have more than the clothes on your back to wear", I think you get the idea. From then on I have always tried to look at my home duties in this new light of gratitude for all I do have not on what I don't.
We have a friend from America who came over for dinner and taught us a 'game' they play every time they sit down for dinner. We don't do it every meal but we have continued it every so often, I think that this will become our new (occasional) tradition. This game is call 'what was your high (of the day/ week/ year, whatever you choose)', 'what was your low', and 'what are you thankful for'. As everyone around the table said their highs, lows, thankfulness we first of all find out how their day was and to end each thought with thankfulness. A positive note, this is a great habit of looking at the good in every day.
As we come to Christmas I think it is a great time for all to reflect on about what you can be thankful for. Maybe you might like to join us this Christmas in playing this 'game'.
I'll start, My High for this year is finishing my course and new family work opportunities, My Low has been learning that I can't do everything (as much I'd like too), I'm Thankful for the best family who supported me and gave me space to do assignments and readings to complete my studies.
I would be honored if you would share with me so I could rejoice and empathize and Amen those things that impacted your life this year. Praying you all have the most amazing Christmas celebrating with family and friends and thinking about what I think the biggest reason for the season is, that we all should be Thankful for ......the birth of our Lord......Jesus......Our Saviour!!
from my heart to yours,
Peta
As we enter into the an joyful season of Christmas I'm reminded of what my life should be an example of, an attitude of gratitude. As I go about my mundane duties of cleaning, washing, cooking..... and the list goes on..... I can get bogged down with the thoughts of how much work needs to be done to make the house just look presentable. A few years ago I was challenged in my thoughts towards my home keeping with the thought that first of all that this is a privileged job, yes job, that I have been given to care for my family as the primary care giver and home maker. As my husband goes to work each day and works hard all day to 'bring home the bacon' so should I 'work' as hard to give him the bacon and all the trimmings.
The second thought I had one day while I was grumbling to myself about how much washing up I had to do when so tired from looking after 2 toddlers and a bub, I had a voice come into my head saying "at least you have this amount to wash up". Then later on that day looking around the house the voice continued "at least you have more than one room in your house, at least you have more than the clothes on your back to wear", I think you get the idea. From then on I have always tried to look at my home duties in this new light of gratitude for all I do have not on what I don't.
We have a friend from America who came over for dinner and taught us a 'game' they play every time they sit down for dinner. We don't do it every meal but we have continued it every so often, I think that this will become our new (occasional) tradition. This game is call 'what was your high (of the day/ week/ year, whatever you choose)', 'what was your low', and 'what are you thankful for'. As everyone around the table said their highs, lows, thankfulness we first of all find out how their day was and to end each thought with thankfulness. A positive note, this is a great habit of looking at the good in every day.
As we come to Christmas I think it is a great time for all to reflect on about what you can be thankful for. Maybe you might like to join us this Christmas in playing this 'game'.
I'll start, My High for this year is finishing my course and new family work opportunities, My Low has been learning that I can't do everything (as much I'd like too), I'm Thankful for the best family who supported me and gave me space to do assignments and readings to complete my studies.
I would be honored if you would share with me so I could rejoice and empathize and Amen those things that impacted your life this year. Praying you all have the most amazing Christmas celebrating with family and friends and thinking about what I think the biggest reason for the season is, that we all should be Thankful for ......the birth of our Lord......Jesus......Our Saviour!!
from my heart to yours,
Peta
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
One week off from the kitchen cooking!!
One week off from the kitchen cooking, doesn't that sound good? Most of you would say...... IMPOSSIBLE!!! Well it can be done with a little forward planning and a few extra storage containers (some people even do their baking cookies and cakes).
With Christmas literally around the corner, I was thinking after a week of preparations and cooking up a storm for the Christmas feast wouldn't it be great to have the following week off from cooking?
Well lets think about this and break it down. Go and have a look in you pantry and take inventory then do the same for your fridge and freezer. Now you know what is in them grab yourself a coffee and a pen and paper and grab a few of your favourite cooking books and start to think of meals that you can make for dinner during the week that can be frozen and then reheated. Now think instead of making just enough for the family for one night now double it for two nights, and if it is a family favourite maybe 3. In these hot and humid days even different salads stay well in the fridge you just might have to have those sides used earlier than others or even tinned salad side. While you are making the meal for that night you are also making it for the next week.
I've done this a couple of time now and I tell you what I don't have to worry about what to decide for dinner or even on a busy day trying to get home to cook it in time for the family to enjoy and whingeing at me "when's dinner ready?" at 7/7:30 at night when in reality they should be getting ready to settle down for bed.
So I'm thinking..... I might have a 'No cooking week' from Boxing Day till New Years off from cooking..... mmmmm, I think I might. Now I put the challenge out.... Who is going to join me and enjoy the celebrations by giving yourself a prezzy for a whole week of no cooking?????
I'm always interested in new recipes for these 'No cooking weeks' so if you have found one that works and the whole family loves I would be interested to know, and I'm sure as all those busy mums and dads would like to know too. For those who have been able to spread their 'No cooking week' even longer..... Do tell!!
Well I'll leave you with it and can't wait to see who is going to join me in this coming week of 'double batching'. Have a great festive weekend and I'll talk to you all on Monday for my next article.
from my heart to yours,
Peta
With Christmas literally around the corner, I was thinking after a week of preparations and cooking up a storm for the Christmas feast wouldn't it be great to have the following week off from cooking?
Well lets think about this and break it down. Go and have a look in you pantry and take inventory then do the same for your fridge and freezer. Now you know what is in them grab yourself a coffee and a pen and paper and grab a few of your favourite cooking books and start to think of meals that you can make for dinner during the week that can be frozen and then reheated. Now think instead of making just enough for the family for one night now double it for two nights, and if it is a family favourite maybe 3. In these hot and humid days even different salads stay well in the fridge you just might have to have those sides used earlier than others or even tinned salad side. While you are making the meal for that night you are also making it for the next week.
I've done this a couple of time now and I tell you what I don't have to worry about what to decide for dinner or even on a busy day trying to get home to cook it in time for the family to enjoy and whingeing at me "when's dinner ready?" at 7/7:30 at night when in reality they should be getting ready to settle down for bed.
So I'm thinking..... I might have a 'No cooking week' from Boxing Day till New Years off from cooking..... mmmmm, I think I might. Now I put the challenge out.... Who is going to join me and enjoy the celebrations by giving yourself a prezzy for a whole week of no cooking?????
I'm always interested in new recipes for these 'No cooking weeks' so if you have found one that works and the whole family loves I would be interested to know, and I'm sure as all those busy mums and dads would like to know too. For those who have been able to spread their 'No cooking week' even longer..... Do tell!!
Well I'll leave you with it and can't wait to see who is going to join me in this coming week of 'double batching'. Have a great festive weekend and I'll talk to you all on Monday for my next article.
from my heart to yours,
Peta
Sunday, December 12, 2010
To obey or not, that is the question???
Threats, bribes, 'rewards', shouting, nagging, counting (either to 5 or 10 or sometimes both) anything to get your kids to do what they are told when they are told to do it..... right now!! All of these things may accomplish the task at the expense of a parent who is exhausted and tired of repeatedly telling them to do something which may end up in tears, and not only from the child. I know some times we just want them to do action, but my question to you is, what is more important the out ward appearance or the heart? Have they not already said 'no' in their hearts if you have to get to '5' or '10' or threaten them with something you may not even have the intention to follow through in? It is easier to change an action than it is to change a heart. For me, it is my primary objective to train the heart. This is where first time obedience come in.
Do you expect that when you ask your child is told to do something that they will do it first time? Maybe that is part of the issue that you are struggling with? A child WILL live up to your expectations if you give them the opportunity to and you believe that they will.
As mentioned in my previous article, in parenting we like to proactive. One of the many ways we have tried to help our kids to obey first time started when they were young (crawling and toddler phase). My hubby used to play this game with them and he would call it a game of 'who can come to me first'. What he would do is in an excited voice he would get the kids to pretend they were playing in their rooms and then when he called them by name then they would have to say "Yes Dad" ( to acknowledge that they heard him), then they would say "I'm coming" (to say the action they were intending on doing) then they would run out of their rooms and give him a big rumble hug for being obedient. We would do this a few times to reinforce the desired response. At this point they were not allowed to say 'hang on' or 'wait a minute' as we were working on first time obedience. I'll discuss how we handled these 'hang on' comments in another article to come. If we ever have times when they are struggling with their first time obedient responses we would look at their abilities to make decisions and see if these were age appropriate and whether it was giving them to much freedom. We must remember that we as parents know best and we have the ability to judge and assess what our kids can and can't handle, not them. The ability to choose the clothes they want to wear and the type of foods they want to eat is not a right it is a privilege. Our children do not know the difference...... so pick you privileges and battles wisely.
It is not to late to get first time obedience and to train the heart. It may just might take a little more strength and a little more creativity on your part. You may have to re look at all the privileges that your child(ren) have and see if any are causing a stumbling block for them that stop them from being able to obey first time. I must say that even though my children are far from perfect they (and we as parents) get complements often on how well behaved they are and it brings great joy to my heart to know all that hard work is paying off. This to can be said about your children too.
I know for some of you this may be a radical or even a scary thought ....... Can I really get first time obedience from my child? My answer to you is YES!! At the end of this you will have a more content and happy child which will bring forth a content ad happy family. Isn't that we all want??
Please feel free to post or contact me on how you have been going with this thought. I would love to hear how you have either found a creative way to see first time obedience in your child(ren) or any struggles that you're dealing with.... maybe some out their will have a solution for you!
from my heart to yours,
Peta .
Do you expect that when you ask your child is told to do something that they will do it first time? Maybe that is part of the issue that you are struggling with? A child WILL live up to your expectations if you give them the opportunity to and you believe that they will.
As mentioned in my previous article, in parenting we like to proactive. One of the many ways we have tried to help our kids to obey first time started when they were young (crawling and toddler phase). My hubby used to play this game with them and he would call it a game of 'who can come to me first'. What he would do is in an excited voice he would get the kids to pretend they were playing in their rooms and then when he called them by name then they would have to say "Yes Dad" ( to acknowledge that they heard him), then they would say "I'm coming" (to say the action they were intending on doing) then they would run out of their rooms and give him a big rumble hug for being obedient. We would do this a few times to reinforce the desired response. At this point they were not allowed to say 'hang on' or 'wait a minute' as we were working on first time obedience. I'll discuss how we handled these 'hang on' comments in another article to come. If we ever have times when they are struggling with their first time obedient responses we would look at their abilities to make decisions and see if these were age appropriate and whether it was giving them to much freedom. We must remember that we as parents know best and we have the ability to judge and assess what our kids can and can't handle, not them. The ability to choose the clothes they want to wear and the type of foods they want to eat is not a right it is a privilege. Our children do not know the difference...... so pick you privileges and battles wisely.
It is not to late to get first time obedience and to train the heart. It may just might take a little more strength and a little more creativity on your part. You may have to re look at all the privileges that your child(ren) have and see if any are causing a stumbling block for them that stop them from being able to obey first time. I must say that even though my children are far from perfect they (and we as parents) get complements often on how well behaved they are and it brings great joy to my heart to know all that hard work is paying off. This to can be said about your children too.
I know for some of you this may be a radical or even a scary thought ....... Can I really get first time obedience from my child? My answer to you is YES!! At the end of this you will have a more content and happy child which will bring forth a content ad happy family. Isn't that we all want??
Please feel free to post or contact me on how you have been going with this thought. I would love to hear how you have either found a creative way to see first time obedience in your child(ren) or any struggles that you're dealing with.... maybe some out their will have a solution for you!
from my heart to yours,
Peta .
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