Who says "The Jones'" have it all??

We all know the saying "keeping up with the Jones'" or "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence".............I'm sure you could add a few more...........
My question to you is "Who says 'the Jones' have it all anyway"? This is a perception. An uninformed perception. It is a common occurrence for us all to look at what we don't have. We look at each others to compare stylish clothing, the new car, the latest gadget out, my list could go on and on. We all consciously  or unconsciously make those judgments or wishes. Is that grass REALLY greener over there? We don't know what is done behind closed doors. Or how they treat each other. Or those family quality time sacrifices that they have made to keep up with their 'Jones'' to earn those extra bucks.

Lately I have been thinking on instead of we don't have, being grateful for what we DO have. Maybe we don't eat out at restaurants all the time, we don't have the brand new car or the latest fashion but you know what..... I just glad that we have all the clothes we need, enough food to feed my family and friends, a car (which makes us in the top 5% of the world), we have a roof over a head.We also are a family together, loving each other.Our house is a place of safety, encouragement, a place of freedom to be yourself, to be child-like and have fun, acceptance, where you can explore the worlds questions without judgement, for our children and friends ............WE ARE BLESSED!
Quite often our perception of how we see the world is put a skew by how we see ourselves. This change can not come from your outward circumstances but how you change those voices in our heads. At the moment I am reading the book "Winning with people" by John Maxwell and it has a quote in it which I would like to share with you all as it sums it up nicely. "When I was young and free my imagination had no limits, I dreamed of changing the world. As I grew older and wiser, I discovered the world would not change, so I shortened my sights somewhat and decided to change only my country. But it, too, seemed immovable. As I grew in my twilight years, in one last desperate attempt, I settled for changing only my family, those close to me, but alas, they would have none of it. And now I lie on my deathbed, I suddenly realised: if I only had changed myself first, then by example I would have changed my family. From their inspiration and encouragement, I would have been able to better my country and, who knows, I may have even changed my world."
So, are you ready to be happy again...... not by changing your exterior but renovating the interior?
Let's start by being happy for what you have and looking after what you have been given. Being generous with what you have in your hand. It doesn't have to be much but start with what you have. I believe that when you start with changing just those two little things you will see success and joy follow you. It can't hurt to give it ago.

You Always, ..... I Never

When Mike and I got married almost 17 years ago (wow that's a long time ago), the Minister delivered a message in the service talking about "if you find your self saying always and never in your marriage where does forgiveness fit in?" (he said in around about way). It's funny the things you remember. 

Have you ever had one of those moments in life when a light bulb goes on and you hear yourself say..... "Ahhaaa". I was reading in the Bible in John the other day (if you are not a Christian or believe in the Bible bare with me) about "Doubting" Thomas. When Jesus first appeared to them Thomas wasn't there. Thomas said to them I won't believe unless I see it for myself. The second time Jesus turns up and shows himself to his disciples and Thomas was there. This is where I had my "Ahhaa" moment. 

I'm not focusing on what Thomas did but on those (the disciples) around him. When you read it for yourself, they weren't trying to convince him of Jesus resurrection, they didn't go "see I told you so". They stood back and let Jesus come in and do the work. He was the only person who can change that persons belief or disbelief. 

Quite often in life we are the ones trying to change or convince everyone else around us (OR OUR SPOUSE) when it is not our job. One of the best things that I have learnt over the past few years is that you can't change those around you. You can give them your opinion or how it makes you feel but the only REAL change that can happen is when the change comes from within. They have to have their own "Ahhaa" moment. As a Christian I believe the best thing we can do is to pray for them. I know that can sound like a cop out but we can't change the internal. It is their choice to change.

I think that the Minister had it right. If we keep on saying "You always, ..... I never" did you really forgive (or is that give space for forgiveness to take place), can your relationship move on to be healed. I believe that a relationship is to serve one another not what I can get out of it, no matter what your partner views your relationship. It is amazing what happens in a relationship when you change your view of it, which will in turn change them or the way you view them. Just try it for a few weeks and please give me feed back on how it went for you. I know you will be amazed!!

Smelling like roses when manure is around your feet

I love this quote "Life wasn't meant to be easy BUT it was meant to be enjoyable". I know it sounds like a contradictory of terms BUT it is all about how you view life and what it means to you.  Life IS hard, some times more than others, but what are you going to focus on?? 

I always say to my kids when they are trying to blame someone or something else that when you are pointing that finger how many are pointing back at you? And the answer of course is 3. Try it and have a look yourself. So the way I look at it is that you are 3 times more responsible for that undesirable outcome. We all try and make excuses. So first of all STOP making excuses and come up with solutions. 

Secondly, (and this is a biggy) forgive.

I can hear you all say HOW???? Well the short truth of the matter is that it is your choice to forgive. It doesn't mean forget or that there are no consequences. What you have done is released yourself from the weight of trying to get revenge or justification and right a wrong. This is liberating!!!!

(after forgiveness you feel exposed, unlovable and you have your guard up like those thorns)

Thirdly, look after yourself. This doesn't mean go on extravagant holiday or on a wild spending spree. This means put yourself around people who build you up, who you can confide in. This also means, that if  you have been under a great deal of stress go and do something you love like read a book for a few hours or go for a walk. I know for myself it's having some alone time and watch a couple of DVDs while laying on my bed  or having a shower with no one else in the house and enjoy not being interrupted and the quiet. Or it could be as simple as going to bed early.

(a little TLC)

Fourthly, GET BACK ON THAT HORSE AGAIN!!!! After you have done all of the above don't keep yourself away from life as there is so many things that will bring you joy. Even if it has been past hurts with relationship, the joy is when you either reconcile or find a new friend who brings great fun, love and encouragement to your life. There is always tomorrow, a new day, a fresh start. 

(now you can be whatever colour you want)

Live outside the box. Life wasn't meant to be easy BUT it was meant to be enjoyable!!

From My heart to yours, 

Peta

What's your reason for this season?

We can all get a little carried away with the Festive Season of Christmas. Most of us love this time of year. Time to get together with our loved ones. To party. To eat. To have some time off work. But then comes the thought of presents....... kids love them...... but the thought of braving the shops during this time of year is just doing your head in!!

Like the picture about, I believe it was suppose to be simple!

Friends and family gathering together to share a meal and remember what the true 'reason for the season'...... to be THANKFUL. Thankful  for friends. Thankful for family. Thankful for your health. Thankful those blessings that were sent your way during the past year. And for our family, we are most of all thankful for Jesus. For being our strength when we had none. For being that still small voice that encouraged and lead us this year. For being that unconditional friend. For not judging when we knew when we were wrong and being a gentleman, waiting for us to own up and say sorry. For giving us favor far beyond whatever we could hope or dream this year as we put Him first.  For give us all of yourself even though we don't. THANK YOU JESUS!!

During this time of Christmas what are you going to choose to remember? Enjoy this season and be thankful and you will notice the difference it can have in your Christmas holidays this year. 

Merry Christmas to you all. Look for the good in everyone. Enjoy each moment with family and friends.

BE BLESSED!!

The family I want

Having a family you say is easy. And I'd say back to you "Yes it is but,....".Now I pose to you a question which I believe that most of you have never really thought about, 'Is this the family I want?'. Most people would say 'Do I have a say in what my family looks like?' and to that I would say a BIG "YES!!!!!".

 If you have a chance take a piece of paper and write down things you like about your family, then on the other side of the paper write the things that you don't like. Does the list of 'good' out way the 'bad'? If not, you are not alone. Most people would say that the 'bad' dominates the 'good' and the light is getting dimmer as they get older. BUT, I said it is getting dimmer not out. You still have a HUGE say on what your family looks like and to make changes for the better not only for yourself and the children but for the bigger picture of society and how they are going to cope in it. Are they just going to survive it or be the leader and excel and love their lives. 


George Bernard Shaw "Life wasn't meant to be easy, my child, but take courage: it can be delightful!"

This is what we should be showing our children. There are seasons of ups and downs and sometimes more downs than ups but as I said they are just seasons. We can choose to live there or show our children that circumstances don't tell us how we feel or act.


I'm not going to say that this is going to be easy but is taking an active role in making it happen for your family. First and for mostly you and your partner need to be on the same page and each others champion. You are going to choose to demand respect (as you give them and your partner respect), have a good bed time (as you do for yourself), help them see that they are apart of a team and them chores to help the team (as you are to your partner), have fun (as you do for yourself and with your partner)...... are you seeing a little pattern here??


We need to model it! 


Start little. Choose one thing. You can't change your family over night but you can a little at a time.


As we head to the end of the year and into the new year what are you going to change about your family life? It doesn't have to be perfect but it does have to reflect what you want for your family. Be proactive, be encouraging and have fun as a family. 


Life was meant to be enjoyable!!

NO! = Maybe = Yes

When did it happened? When did that determined "NO!" become "Maybe" to then a reluctant "Yes"?

When they were little it was absolutely "NO!" and nothing would deter you from that "NO!" Then the next little darling came along..... hence the permanent jet lag....... then came the "Maybe". And lastly that precious last cherub(s)...... now your in zombie mode...... now it's "Yes" (do it quickly, quietly and don't bug me again about it so I can sleep some more).

We have all done it. We have all regretted it. We all have just said to ourselves "What have I done.... I'm creating a monster". And the truth is YES we are...... but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. One day in the not to distant future you will sleep through the night again (I know you don't believe me but it will happen). One day you will have more than "No ....." in your vocabulary, even if it is that you have to force yourself to find something you can say Yes to (YES you can have a drink of water....).
So why wait till your gorgeous tribe don't look so gorgeous to you or those they come in contact with. Start with today and start small!


1. Pick your battles wisely. In and out of the public eye. Ask yourself these 2 questions, "Is this something that can be handled better at home?" and "Really in the big picture, at this moment, does it really matter?"
2. Pick 1 thing that you are going to concentrate on for that next week or so till you get obedience in that area.
3. Make sure you reward (not bribe) the child and yourself for sticking at it!


I know that I couldn't of done it with out my hubby beside me encouraging me, playing tag team and giving me much needed time out when needed (sometimes a few times a week). If you don't have any support..... go and get it! You can't do this alone, especially if you are starting this when your children are older and have formed long lasting habits. It is not impossible, just need to be even more certain on what you say Yes and No too.
Now it is up to you. Get support. Pick a time to start. Pick only 1 thing to work on.
Oh yeah, and look after yourself! You need to be the best you can be to be the best for your family! Go for regular walks, eat well, sleep well and remember to laugh!


So tell me, what is your families biggest issue at the moment?

It's time to Celebrate!

This Christmas are you wanting it to look like this?

.....were all getting along like one big happy family??

In reality this doesn't often happen!

So what are you going to do about it? Did you know that we all play out our part in the family either consciously or unconsciously? That's right I said we play a part.... you play a role. Look around and watch those who your hanging out with, they to are playing a role in the group you are in now. One might be the whiner, one the 'life of the party', one the sulker, the one that is just rude, the know it all..... etc.

You can play the role you normally play or you can chose to not play that role at all and watch as it changes the whole dynamics of the group. Yes, you can change what Christmas this year looks like for you! What a liberating thought!

Now play the role of how you want to see your Christmas be this year and watch it happen!! I'm not saying that others may still play their roles and try to pull you back down but you don't have to join them. They are not going to influence the type of Christmas celebrations that you are going to choose to have.

This is a choice. What do you choose this Christmas?

I choose this year no matter what happens around me to enjoy every minute with my family and friends however THEY come (not me)! I choose to only engage in uplifting conversation! I choose to not worry about what could of, should of or would of but what is right now!

I know that you WILL all have the best Christmas time together this year because you have already predetermined what it is going to look, feel and sound like to you this year!

Enjoy your lead up to this beautiful and joyous time of year!

What you are you going to change to make this your best Christmas ever?